Life in the Margins

The following is a list of notes made in the margins of my notebooks for the fall semester, of my thoughts & ideas and quotes from professors, other students and my textbooks. Enjoy!

From my Linguistics notebook:

• Silent letters… w in wren, h in ghost, a in aardvark, t in castle = make a silent “what?”
• I dislike enforcing stereotypes. Want to give individuals the chance to choose and to prove his/herself.
• pg 117 “Remember: if it walks like a word, and quacks like a word...”
• pg 124 English “takes a cup of lexical sugar” from all sorts of languages.
• Esta vez, el tiempo es mi amigo. (This time, time is my friend.)
• Idea: make a literal video of Facebook 
• “Chuffed to bits” in the UK means “pleased” in the US :-)
• Can native speakers makes mistakes, according to linguists? Or is everything they say right?

From my notebook for Introduction to Public Relations:

• Make a list of friends who have cars.
• Reminded of the movie Post-Grad
• I like the idea of internal communication specialist (an advisor for comm. within a business).
• Puzzle piece for my life: Interviewing people for stories
• Idea: “I Am a Business” metaphor. I have a mission statement, I do my own PR, etc…
• Does behavior always reflect values?
• I don’t like that PR often has to prove its worth.
• Memo to self: Read the newspaper!
• I like the Evaluation stage in PR: Identify then implement change to improve real problems, especially those of unawareness, unfairness or inability.
• Someone really just said “formulatic”?
• What’s the difference between ethics and morals?
• What’s ombudsman? iterative? cogently?
• I like the bridge function of PR professionals. As for pitching ideas, however…
• I don’t want to “sell” the company as an employee, outside of my work. It would feel like work were my life then.

From Intercultural Communication: 

• In a story the professor told, apparently a 15 year old girl said, “I like this dress so much I could throw up.” Haha!
• Change your daily route once in awhile: you may run across different people :-)
• Multicultural people have an ethnorelative identity, not just one place of belonging: Is that the key to my WI/CO/IA feelings, and even US/Spain?
• Seth, a guy in class, asking the professor about listening to his wife about minor issues. “When you listen, do you actually care?” Professor, mildly chastising: “Seth! You have to care!”
• Professor, later that same day: “If you don’t care, you’re outta there.”
• A student describes another Communication studies class and the professor: “The class is very… vanilla. And she is like a … mochaccino with chocolate chips and sprinkles.”
• When the professor was late one day, one student thought it was because he had been “fighting crime”.
• Good intercultural communication involves tolerating ambiguity (uncertain situations). Can I handle ambiguity?
• As a responsible citizen, I should note news: local, national and international. Also so I can pray over it. As a college student, now without a TV, I don’t though.
• The Western worldview or Eastern? Personally, where do I fit in more?
• Really random idea: rewrite “Teenage Dream” (by Kate Perry) for a positive message. (Inspired by the Glee version of the song.)
• Essay idea: Eastern and Western worldviews as portrayed in Disney films: like Pocahontas, Mulan, Lion King, and more.

And finally, in a more serious tone, from my notebook used for Bible study, sermon notes, etc.:

• Am I allowing time for lessons to stick proportionally with how much I hear and learn (spiritually and in life)?
• Idea: make a video of discipler and Jedi analogy   
• So I may have never felt a call personally to be a full-time missionary, but the young American couple in China showed me that they just see a couple of years there as one step in life to doing what they’ll do wherever.
• At Christian conferences, I’m always reminded how there are conferences like this going on at the same time, but on New Age mediation, etc… Creepy.
• Original sin stems from the belief that God is keeping something good from us...
• Will I stop caring about classes so much if it’s easy and my GPA is set?
• Sam’s life [a student who died this semester] is an example of how tomorrow is not guaranteed. So for the students who say “Later, after college, I’ll follow God,” I say, No way! You don't even know if you'll live to see tomorrow!

I promise I've been studying the actual notes in my notebooks, seeing how it's finals week. This just provided a fun study break :-)
Frankly yours,
Ellen P. 

A commentary on perfectionists.

First, watch this clip, from the movie "Kissing Jessica Stein" (2001). Then when you're up to speed, read my comment below.

http://movieclips.com/eSCY-kissing-jessica-stein-movie-the-best-ever/

Ignoring the comment about Jessi's "nice girl" at the very end, I am Jessi. Or, I was Jessi. No, to be honest, I think I still am, in ways. That is to say, I am (or have been) the girl who desires excellence so fiercely that she'll sacrifice her own participation if her peers aren't up to par. She'll make up her own mind about the quality of the "show" and no director could tell her otherwise. But the mother's point, the "moral of the story" so to speak, is that Jessi missed out on something really good. Jessi's commitment to a top-notch show blinded her from seeing that her criticism of her co-star was too harsh. And in the ultimate irony for her high standards, a worse star was cast in her place, and the production suffered in the end because of it. Life can be rough for the perfectionist, as the mother knew and predicted.

Okay, so I've never actually given up a role in theater or music because I thought my group wasn't good enough, but I think it still applies. I haven't seen the whole movie and from the looks of the plot summary, I don't want to, but I saw this movie clip and it really made me stop and think.

The implied metaphor is that Jessi's high standards have caused her to disdain potentially good matches for herself because those "co-stars" weren't good enough. But if she gave them a chance, they might actually be good partners for her, and "just maybe, the best ever."

On the positive side, in terms of academics, music, personal growth and relationships (major areas I care very much about), I believe I've progressed substantially in "letting things go" since high school. I'm far better in dealing with failure than I used to be and I don't gain my worth as much anymore from my achievements. In other words, I say I am a "recovering perfectionist." My point is just that clips like this are reminders of how much I still identify with a über-high-standard, or idealist, approach to life. Therefore, my lessons (and perhaps yours, reader) are these:

• Be careful not to condescend to others when operating from of your own high standards
• Don't give up because something good isn't "good enough" because your involvement may still be valuable
• And, learn to enjoy those supposedly less-than-ideal situations (or friends/significant others?) because they might turn out to be better than you think.

On the flip side, if you've been on the receiving end of my harsh tendencies, I apologize and you can see that I keep striving to grow as a balanced person (with God's help, of course).
Either way, food for thought.

--Ellen P.


Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com

Time to Stretch.

I thought to myself, I'm ready to be stretched again.

That's what occurred to me, as I sat in my quiet apartment yesterday afternoon, boiling pasta for lunch because I never have time or energy to cook at night, the warm afternoon sunshine pouring into our south-facing window in the living room, making the room quite cheery, and definitely improving my mood while I read a rather long chapter from my Intercultural Communication textbook. It was then that this thought occurred to me, in that warm and comfortable moment, and I glanced outside to consider how cold that early December air really was outside, contrasting with the pleasant sunlight splashing over my pages. I thought, I'm ready to experience another new culture, to be suddenly and even violently thrown into a foreign environment again. Somewhere where I've never been and where I'm forced to Listen, and really Pay Attention, and Think Hard, and Act Carefully, and finally, to relish those moments that I love so much, when I Get Out Of My Element, and Enjoy the Moment completely. I ready for that again.

You know, the travel bug really isn't very convenient. (I was rather cozy, as you'll recall, in that afternoon study time.) Because that's what (mostly) caused that thought in the first place.

I've been spoiled in the last year: lived in Spain for a semester, visited China, helped briefly in Mexico. What will the next year bring? Most likely, a whole lot less international travel. And that's a bummer for me, as you might guess by now, because I found I really enjoy new situations that require me to stretch myself.

Allow me to use a metaphor, albeit not the most original one. Being stretched beyond one's comfort zone is a bit like exercise. May it be understood, reader, that I don't like to exercise just for the sake of doing it. It's painful and tiring and often discouraging. But I've decided that my muscles themselves, however, actually do like it. They do like that pain, a day later, when I'm aching from running because I haven't run in three weeks. Why? Because that pain means that I have lactic acid built up from all that exertion, which meant I actually worked my muscles, instead of just wishing I had. That pain reminds me that my muscle fibers got broken and are rebuilding stronger connections, a powerful testimony to the body's ability to adapt. I even like to think that my muscles like exercise because that pain reminds me that they (some I didn't even know I had) still exist! And finally, it's good because exercise gets me back in touch with my physical self as well, reminding me that--although my full-time status is a student who relies on her brain for her classwork--I am muscle, joint and bone, too.

New experiences abroad are like that: No, I don't really like taking the wrong bus and taking two extra hours to accomplish an errand because I didn't understand the bus system. No, I don't really like breathing super-contaminated air... or getting squashed into a subway train... or eating rice for 5 days in a row when it's never my first choice otherwise. But there's a part in me that does enjoy all of those things, that really thrives on those hard, confusing and strange experiences. Because those things make for good memories and stories, and they are all a part of the experience. Because they stretch me and they remind me that I am vibrantly and actively alive.

But alas, no international travel on the horizon for awhile (as far as I know). Instead, it's [insert ominous orchestral music here] graduation that I'm facing at the end of next semester, which constitutes as the Biggest Unknown that I have ever encountered in my life to date. Considering my previously-mentioned affinity for change and new things, I should be excited, right? I should be stoked that it's time again for something new and different, right?

Wrong. I'm not. Those of you who know me on a day-to-day basis may know that I'm not at all looking forward to being "stretched" as I step out into that thick gray fog of Uncertainty. And you know why I don't? Because I don't see it like a travel experience. Looking for a job or the next resume-building experience couldn't possibly be as exciting as exploring a foreign culture, I tell myself. Rather, I just see it as a worrisome, overwhelming burden that will never really become clear. But maybe I should. Maybe, just maybe, I'd look forward to post-graduation more if I chose to view it as another "foreign adventure."

Huh. I honestly have to stop and think about that for a moment. What if?

I guess the biggest reason why I haven't so far is that this next adventure doesn't end. It doesn't have a definite Return Date stamped on the ticket, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write a neat What I Learned statement with souvenirs for everyone at the end... or, if I don't like the experience, I can't just go back "home" and forget it ever happened: wherever I go next, whatever I do next, is home. Basically, the way I see it, unless I do master's work at the same university immediately afterward, college graduation is a One Way Ticket to The Next Adventure. And that freaks me out.

Now, I'm probably dramatizing this a bit. Perhaps. I'm just writing frankly here, but maybe somebody reading this agrees with me. What I'm getting at is this: I have been preparing my whole life for adventures that end: classes end each year or semester. Traditional (legal) dependence on parents ends at eighteen. High school ends after senior year. College also ends after completing a certain number of credits and requirements, which is, normally, in about four years. But now I am faced with the indefinite: I could take a job and work at it for as long (or as short) as I liked. I could move and stay there the rest of my life, if I wanted to. No longer is someone else providing a predetermined time constraint on the next stage of my life. Think about that!

Sure, there will inevitably still be "stages" or "eras" of my life after graduation, in terms of where I live, or what job I take, or singleness to (perhaps) married life. But the expectations for when (or how) those will happen are completely gone, or at least completely arbitrary. Hm... Maybe that's what bothers me so much: the expectations for the timeline of my life will disappear after graduation, and the loss of that structure is disconcerting or scary or something.

But I refuse to leave this winding, fearful thought process at that. This is where the lesson from international travel and exercise serve me well: I may fear a future I don't have expectations for, but something inside of me does want to look forward to it, to see it like another exciting adventure or beneficial training.

Furthermore, this is exactly, where my faith in an omniscient, caring and active God comes into play and rescues me from this tendency toward overly-melancholy and fearful pondering. Because what a relief it is to know:

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16)

And, even more so,

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Amen. (That means I'm fervently agreeing with the previous statement, by the way, not necessarily ending a prayer.) So today I'm deciding those assurances are enough for me and my foggy future. They allow me to leave tomorrow and post-graduation in God's capable hands, freeing me up to to embrace this next big change because it means more great stories, new lessons, painful but beautiful growth, and maybe, just maybe, the Best Stretch Yet.

Honestly thoughtful, I remain honestly yours,
Ellen P.

P.S. Pertaining to the topic, if you haven't seen the movie Post Grad (2009), you really should. It expands these thoughts with wit and good humor... although personally the ending might be too neat to realistically accept.

Two-Part Reflection

Part 1: The Need for Memory

Memories are powerful. Have you ever thought about that? Memories are painful, comforting, confusing, revealing… Maybe I’m particularly aware of that this semester, as I seek to keep a long-distance relationship alive, and actively reliving memories is one of my main strategies to ensure that. A mere memory can make me laugh or grow somber in a moment. And memories are integral to my life. I mean, what would I do without them? If I had to spend a whole week of just living day-to-day, no looking back, I would feel lost, I think. (Just thinking about this reminds me of lots of applicable song lyrics for this topic, so certainly other people have reflected on this.)

Also, I learned in Psych class that memories are biased—we tend to “mis-remember” too. This is something I fear when I write things in my journal: will the written version faithfully reflect what happened and how I felt at the time? Then again, I also figure that journaling is preventing that inaccuracy: if I write down events soon after they occurred, when I read those entries again, I’ll be relying on decent evidence, not foggy memories with no record.

“Can it be that it was all so simple then

Or has time rewritten every line?”

 (... Okay, so I couldn't resist including lyrics of some sort.)

Maybe that’s why I’m so driven to journal: I need to remember, and I want it to be as true-to-life as possible. I read back on those entries and enjoy it. I write new ones and relate them back to the past, a web of present-past-future life-living-remembering. This semester especially, I believe I need to remember, for example, my boyfriend and all the fun things we did together, all the meaningful conversations we had and even his idiosyncratic mannerisms, to make myself feel that I’m still connected to him. (Hm… Is this how it works for someone grieving for a loved one? But that's a thought for another time.)

Part Two: The Living Souvenir

Now, I don’t believe I have ever been depressed, but I know that dwelling on the past has a way of making even the most positive person blue. Therefore, my goal in emphasizing memory is to be able to move forward, as an improved person, with an identity that integrates Past with The Now.

Ever since I returned to school after living in Spain, however, this has been quite difficult. There are still days when I feel very disconnected from my experience there and it makes me sad. Predicting that would happen, I wrote a lot in my journal and created a scrapbook from my photos. But after everything, it’s my memories that comfort me most. That, and knowing I live in the same body that I was living in while I was there. It’s kind of like wearing the clothes you wore during a Good Moment a second time before you wash them: you feel closer to that memory because you’re wearing the same thing. (Or am I the only person who thinks of that?) Only this idea takes it a step further: it’s my very skin and bones and hands and feet that were there, that hold those memories too. So seeing my feet and knowing they walked the street of Lisbon, knowing my hair got cut in Baoding: those are comforting, physical memories I get to keep forever.

So the culmination to all this dawned on me a few days ago:
I am a living souvenir.

I’ll explain the context: I had been lamenting to myself about how the various stages of my life feel very segregated. This even applies to the geographical places where I have lived: as they are physically distanced, they are also emotionally segregated in my mind. That is, I’ve been feeling lately that I haven’t applied what I learned in Spain and integrated it into my identity now. I want to be one Ellen, not Ellen-in-Spain, Ellen-at-home, Ellen-at-school, Ellen-as-a-freshman, or whatever.

So after class a few days ago, a good friend and I had a philosophical and reflective talk about people’s purposes in life. As we talked, I began to recall my experiences in Spain and apply some of those lessons to our conversation. Walking home after I left, I mentally reviewed our discussion and how easily I had applied Spain to Ellen-Today. You can guess that this pleased me a lot and I happily congratulated myself. Hooray for Integrated Identity!

But that's not all. That’s when this souvenir idea hit me: of all the things I miss from Spain (and from China, and from every other stage of my life, for that matter) that I’ll never get back or experience again, I realized that the one lasting “souvenir” I get to keep is me. (Does that make any sense?) My matured, changed identity is the best “gift” I could have ever brought back. That’s when I started to get really excited. In that moment, it was like I had just received a long overdue package with a note from myself (or maybe from God?), sent while in Spain:

Dear Ellen,

Greetings from Spain! So you know, living in the States again, you are going to experience reverse culture shock and some difficulty re-forming your identity. But here’s the good news: You have just received your hard-earned reward for all that difficulty: the new and improved You! Among the slew of great improvements to an already beautiful Identity, You are now more adapted to handle future intercultural experiences, to travel on your own, to rely on God in times of loneliness, as well as so much more. So take this souvenir and use it every day, exploring all of its facets, and enjoy your God-given life more abundantly, starting Today!

Yeah. Maybe all of this sounds lame to you, but I feel so much better after that realization. I guess this means I can finally check something off my list of Challenges to Overcome: To successfully adjust after reverse culture shock. Check. What a good feeling.
Thanks for that, God.

Thoughtfully yours, I remain,

Ellen P.

Facebook and China compared

The Tyranny of Facebook: have you ever thought about it? I have several times, in fact, and my two-week trip to China solidified the idea for a comparison of the two. (Disclaimer: Of course, 2 weeks doesn't make me anything close to an expert on China, but I did learn a few things from what I have read and personally observed.) For those of you who use Facebook, you'll understand my examples, even if you aren't particularly familiar with Chinese government and its restrictions, so read on:

1) The requirement to agree with the changes made without the ability to voice objections or questions. Anytime Facebook makes a change to the format (that is, the user interface), you are forced to use it. You aren't asked (anymore) if you like it. Sure, when Facebook made the big change to the "new" Facebook, you were given the option which you wanted to view, but eventually, everyone had to deal with the New version. And okay, some changes made were better in the long-run: having a feed of friends' activities on the home page is the main way I acquire social info on FB, even though when the feeds were first introduced, I didn't like them at all.
But a recent example of this that really bothers me is the change from listing the names Friends On Chat Now to showing the profile pictures of the people online. Having to look at the tiny thumbnail of someone's picture (which often change) simply isn't as fast as reading their name (which almost never change) nor do the "active" sage green dot versus a pale blue "inactive" dot contrast nearly enough. Sure, more pictures in the tyranny of white-and-dull-blue of Facebook are nice, but it's just not practical. Personally, this is the equivalent of someone giving me a pictures-only book instead of a novel. I can read, Facebook designers, I promise!
So where is the Complaint Box of Facebook? No matter how huge the company is, isn't it a bit egotistical to assume you know what's best for the user?

Similarly, China is technically "The People's Republic of China" but the opportunity for input by the average person is simply not given. There is no lobbying, no voting, no public surveys... So when there are changes, people must go along with them, no questions asked.

2) The ability to demonstrate or use creativity is severely limited.
Certainly the company of Facebook is large enough to do a study on consumer preferences and to know what the best arrangement of elements on the page is. But that "classic" White and Dull Blue got old years ago. There are groups petitioning all sorts of things, related to Facebook and not, including the "Petition for Colored Facebook Profiles" but after at least a year of the group's existence, I doubt anything will actually change. (Actually, that dull blue which reminds me of the blue-dominated Microsoft, which also bothers me, and not just because I am a Mac user.)
So one's self-expression is limited to what you post within that bare-bones frame: pictures, status, About Me, and whatever 3rd-party applications you choose to add.
But I suppose that's the trade-off for the clean, professional and homogeneous look of Facebook versus the colorful, open-ended and often-amateurish feel of MySpace.

And so you could make the case about creativity in China. I read a book this summer called "China Road", written by Rob Gifford and which I highly recommend even if you don't plan to visit China (although I recommend that too!). In the book, Gifford argues that China's restrictive government is a major factor for why the top artistic and linguistic innovators have not come from China, even though with their population, the odds are in their favor: banned books, websites and other intellectual resources about the rest of the world hinder people from developing new ideas (especially if they're controversial), theories, and even artistic creations. Sure, you can paint and write books in China, but publishing or displaying any work is subject to scrutiny. And sure, many excellent people who have contributed to the world have come from and, even now, live in China. But Gifford's point (as well as mine now) is that the governmental policy to restrict the people's access to certain information does not foster the ideal creative environment in which to raise up Greats.

3) "If it bothers you so much, then stop using it!" you say. And fair enough. I could simply stop using Facebook and go back to email, MSN Messenger and photo sharing sites, to make up for what I have been using Facebook for. But the sum is greater than the parts, I believe, since the feed feature works so well and the professionalism truly does supercede MySpace. It's called a monopoly, and there's a reason that Facebook has blown every competition out of the water. (Small, related fun fact: I learned last week that every single student in my Public Relations class this semester, which has over 100 students on the attendance list, raised their hand saying that they have a Facebook profile. Is that monopoly on college students, or what?!)

No, no one just stops "using" China, but getting out of the system, is nearly as difficult... Visa rules are tough for residents, not just foreign visitors.

As always, I remain your thoughtful blogger, ever frankly yours,
Ellen P.

P.S. Maybe Facebook's combination of activities that I used to do with separate programs--chat, photo-sharing, email, and more, also lends itself to comparison to Wal-mart, another "tyrannical" company that bothers me, since photo developing, food & clothing & electronic shopping all can be done there now. (As well its use of--again!--the ubiquitous blue, albeit a different hue.)

Say it with me now--"Wordle!"

A Wordle. To Wordle. I'm not sure whether it's a noun or a verb, but it's sweet and my latest new hobby. Basically, you paste in any bunch of text at www.wordle.net and it gives you a group of words, size according to how often they appear. This is particularly cool for chapters or books of the Bible.

Check out the one I did for the whole book of Philippians. Very cool and aesthetically pleasing!

Now if only I could do one for my written journal--wonder what that would look like?

--Ellen P.

Little Things that Make My Day Brighter

Riding my bike down a long hill, coasting the whole way with no cars in sight.

Putting my iPod on shuffle and getting the very song I was in the mood for first.

Warming cold toes in the sunlight spot on the carpet.

Waking up a half hour before my alarm and getting to fall back asleep again.

Improvising a recipe and getting a good result.

Waking up and my hair falls just right.

Overhearing strange bits of conversation by others.

Cold water available to drink at any time of day.

Finding a forgotten dollar in a pocket of my jeans or coat.

Laughing so hard that it makes me cry.

Finishing a poem or doodle that I really like and making a clean, final copy.

...Can you relate?

Things to Do Before I Graduate

Things I Would Like to Do at College Or I Wish I Could Do Before I Graduate:

• Publicly protest tuition costs and get other students more involved in fighting tuition hikes
• Develop a working relationship between Spanish majors (like myself) and the international Spanish-speaking students so they can learn from each other
• Participate in all the dance clubs: Swing, Ballroom and Hip Hop
• Make a High School Musical spoof, only it's called "College Musical"
• Make out in some corner or tier of the library ;-)
• Sleep on Central Campus
• Be in the big spring musical
• Perform at Open Mic Night at the Union
• Submit an article to the student newspaper
  
• Solve the entire crossword in the student newspaper, all by myself
• Tell the gospel in a class presentation or graded essay... (Oh wait, I can already check that one off! It even pertained the topic! *grins*)

Okay, so some goals are loftier than others but that's alright. To be honest, most of these just won't happen in the space of two semesters, and I'm not sure how hard I'd try to accomplish all of them anyway. My point is now that I'm a senior, I'm starting to look back and figure out if I'm proud of how I've spent my time. If the funny memories soften the difficult ones. If the hours of studying and good grades were lightened with enough fulfilling activities of other sorts... For the most part, I'm quite content with what I've done and whom I've gotten to know and how I've grown as a person. These are just some more ideas, for an ideal world and if I were, perhaps, a bit more courageous. Hm. Worth considering anyway.

Yours frankly,
Ellen P.

What does your waterbottle say?

Waterbottle.
I know somebody who swears that the British say that word as "Woh-oh-boh-ul", totally cutting out the T's. So how they say it is a dead giveaway where that person is from. Well, the fact that I have a waterbottle may or may not be a dead giveaway that I'm from Colorado. And I mean, the kind of waterbottle one takes everywhere, not just your athletic waterbottle and not one that doubles as a juice container.

My waterbottle is a pink, translucent, plastic Nalgene with the requisite carabiner with which to hold it. (Yeah, a plastic Nalgene. Don't worry, I haven't died--yet.) I take it with me everywhere. Seriously, I'm a diehard personal waterbottle user now, ever since I moved to Colorado and experienced the torture of sitting through a whole class period without water. Started feeling like I was stuck in the middle of a desert... So, ever since, I take one with me.


...Does that make me the opposite of a camel? I am nearly always thirsty, sometimes to the point of intense distraction. Even without indoor heating on to dry out the air, I wake up every day and the first thing I do is Drink Water...

You'd think I'd be back to my pre-Colorado self now that I live in the Midwest again, but not so. And that's what got me thinking about this in the first place: I think I realize how "Colorado-y" it is to have a waterbottle at all times now that I'm back at college. Now, don't get me wrong, nearly everyone wears a backpack to classes, and many of them have waterbottles with them, but waterbottles are not ubiquitous like they are in the Rocky Mountain State.

As you can see from the photo, no stickers on mine--yet. Two friend's waterbottles have stickers from favorite establishments and companies... many of which are in Colorado, despite the fact that neither of them are from Colorado... Go figure. But none for me yet. By looking at mine, maybe you can tell that I'm from Colorado (instead of pretending to be!) and you can definitely tell that I don't hate pink (but I'm not pink-obsessed, not by a long shot), but nothing overly obvious about me. Although, now that I think about it, I should probably put my name on it, in case I lose it...

Ever see the movie Stranger than Fiction? Remember the part where the guy is in the guitar store, and the author is describing what each one said about itself? I'm kind of thinking that this waterbottle phenomenon is like that. So, do you have a waterbottle? If so, what does yours say about you?

Yours frankly,
Ellen P.

P.S. On a related note, I think disposable waterbottles are really lame except in out-of-country situations. Don't bottle water if you have to, and definitely recycle the bottle if you're gonna buy one but I'm into the Reuse One for Years thing in this case. Anyway, I'm done with my soapbox moment now.

843.

"I feel a song coming on..."
Haha--you know that moment in movie musicals where someone just said something important and there's a pause? That means a song is about to be sung. My family often jokes about it by saying this, usually like it's a bad thing. "Uh-oh, I feel a song coming on..."
But it doesn't have to be a bad thing... Right?

Life could be more like a musical, right? I am determined to make mine more like a musical, anyway. Many of friends know me as one who has song lyrics to fit any situation. Interesting, since I definitely don't consider myself a "music junkie" or anything. Yes, I adore music and I make it a point to pay attention to lyrics, but still-- I highly doubt I have a bigger "mental song archive" than a lot of my friend. I guess I'm just more likely to remember the words and way more likely to actually say them--or better--sing them. :-)

Anyway, now that we have that background information covered, take a look at this map.


View Larger Map

MapQuest says that there are 843-and-some-odd miles between Ames and Salida. Google tells me that it would take 10 days, 23 hours by foot to get there. Gee thanks, MapQuest, for pointing out just how many there are. Gee thanks Google, for uselessly reminding me just how much more efficient a car is compared to my feet...

"I feel a song coming on..."

All I really want to do
is to fall into the emptiness
that is the space in between us,
erase it and bring us together again.
(Space In Between Us, Building 429)

The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands
to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row,
it seems farther than ever before.
Oh no... I need you so much closer .
(Transatlanticism, Death Cab for Cutie)

Fill me up, fill me up,
I'm a long way from home
And I don't have a lot to say.
Cheer me up cheer me up
Cause you're all that I've got
And I traveled a long long way.
(Fill Me Up, Shawn Colvin)

Yeah, I like Iowa. But long-distance, 843 miles long to be exact, isn't making me sing many happy songs.

'Cause I miss him.

But it's worth it. Worth even ridiculous numbers like 843 (miles), 100+ (days til Christmas Break), and 10 days, 23 hours (the estimate to walk there). :-)
--Ellen P.

(P.S. I selected the "Walk" feature on Google maps because my first car is not, in fact, sitting at college with me, but instead sitting in mechanic's lot out there in desolate, eastern Colorado, because it decided it Would Not Go the whole way to Iowa. Sadness--I only had that car for like a month! Read my earlier entry about that car if you haven't already.)

Oh the Places I've Been

These are a few pictures I've taken in the last three months or so that I found and just love. I chose these cuz they're of nature and they represent a progression of places over time.

1) Iowa. Late Spring. College. A wonderful time of my life.

2) China. Early Summer. Trip of a lifetime. Beautiful memories.

3) Mexico. Mid-Summer. Dreamy clouds. A mission trip of translation was a dream.

3) Salida, Colorado. Late Summer. Hometown. Lemonade from the café where I work.

"Ashes of secret heart,

falling in my lemonade.

Unslakeable thirsting,

in the backyard."

A car, a truce... and Madonna?

Mah first car.

Must say I'm pretty proud of it too. How can I not be? It's not new, it's not fabulous but it's mine. It's like a five-year-old being proud of the Coolest Rock In the World that they bring home to Mom.... it's the Coolest Rock to that kid, anyway.

Also, I want to say that I'm particularly proud of the fact that I have not owned a car before this, the ripe old age of 20, nearly 21. Maybe that's not saying much for some people, but for many of my friends, it's rather old. I mean, it makes sense for me: growing up, my family lived close to all of our schools, so I walked or rode my bike. Or I hitched a ride from a neighbor. Okay, so I've been attending college out-of-state for the last three years and still haven't bought a car, but really the only times I've really wanted one was just to get home and back. Or get groceries, because I've tried the 3 boxes of cereal in my backpack and balancing two bags off each bike handle before, and that was--um, interestingly inefficient. But once in my college town, it's been more than fine geting around: via feet (on campus), bike (off campus), bus (across town) or in a friend's car (out of town). It's worked out very well, I'd say, and I haven't had to pay insurance for all of that time. Anyway, it's been fine without and I've been proud to be without one for as long as I have. So there.

But now, I own one (well, it's considered mine, anyway) and that's good too. Because my parents are sick of driving me and my stuff back to college, and I'm excited to be able to drive out of town or even out of state to visit friends once at college, should I choose. I am so gonna rock that nearly-ghetto car.

By the way, this Oldsmobile is a 1988. Which means I need to make a truce with the 80's. If you know me very well, you'll know that I am not, in fact, a fan of the 80's. At all. Like, what were people thinking? The hair, the clothes, much of the music?? Honestly. But half-outraged but patient friends have subjected me to enough hit songs from that decade that I can't be totally opposed anymore. Nor can I forget that I was conceived and born in that decade. Plus I have these totally rad black lace fingerless gloves, a la Madonna, that I truly adore, and now that I own this car from that somewhat-odd era... it's a truce, okay, Eighties? You've done something decent for the world, I suppose. (Side note: Politics are completely left out of these comments; I direct my complaints to the American world of fashion, entertainment and culture of the time.)

So I'm feeling this car is a start of something new, as the last year of my college education approaches, as I just added a few texts to my cell phone plan (though I'm still not crazy about texting, strange as it may sound to readers of my generation) and as I approach my final step into adulthood, turning 21 this month. No, having a car doesn't mean I'm about to turn into Material Girl or anything... but hey, maybe a truce with the past will progress me toward the future.

A few China pics

I'm back, safe and sound, from China!

I'm debating whether to write a post about the trip, but here are at least a few photos to pique your interest and enjoy some fun moments that we had on our adventurous, educational, surprising and one-of-a-kind trip!

Off again: eastward to China!

Hello again, everyone (whoever it is that reads my blogs)!

Ni hao! (Hello!) It's been a semester since I last updated this blog, and to be honest, I doubted I would ever use it again. But when a friend asked me to join him on a trip to visit American friends in China, I thought...why not?? Sure, I don't know the language (my major is still Spanish and I still speak random Spanish phrases in the States) nor nearly anything about the culture, but why not? China is, after all, a "rather" influential country in our world! So it's two weeks starting today, off to Beijing, Shanghai (the World Expo is there!) and Baoding, where our American friends live. Other than that, we're not positive, but we'll see. Of course, we'll see the Great Wall, Tianamen's Square and eat REAL Chinese food. Should be a blast!

So it's off again, leaving the U.S. into the Wide Wide World (isn't that what "www." stands for anyway? haha). For those of you of the praying persuasion, keep me and my travel buddy in your prayers--for travel, health, language barriers, to encourage our American friends who have lived far away from home for almost a year now, and more. I don't know if or when I'll be able to update this blog while I'm there, but it's not for the un-connectedness of China!
Pictures and stories to follow!

Passport in pocket, and a friend by my side this time, I remain
Ellen P.