A commentary on perfectionists.

First, watch this clip, from the movie "Kissing Jessica Stein" (2001). Then when you're up to speed, read my comment below.

http://movieclips.com/eSCY-kissing-jessica-stein-movie-the-best-ever/

Ignoring the comment about Jessi's "nice girl" at the very end, I am Jessi. Or, I was Jessi. No, to be honest, I think I still am, in ways. That is to say, I am (or have been) the girl who desires excellence so fiercely that she'll sacrifice her own participation if her peers aren't up to par. She'll make up her own mind about the quality of the "show" and no director could tell her otherwise. But the mother's point, the "moral of the story" so to speak, is that Jessi missed out on something really good. Jessi's commitment to a top-notch show blinded her from seeing that her criticism of her co-star was too harsh. And in the ultimate irony for her high standards, a worse star was cast in her place, and the production suffered in the end because of it. Life can be rough for the perfectionist, as the mother knew and predicted.

Okay, so I've never actually given up a role in theater or music because I thought my group wasn't good enough, but I think it still applies. I haven't seen the whole movie and from the looks of the plot summary, I don't want to, but I saw this movie clip and it really made me stop and think.

The implied metaphor is that Jessi's high standards have caused her to disdain potentially good matches for herself because those "co-stars" weren't good enough. But if she gave them a chance, they might actually be good partners for her, and "just maybe, the best ever."

On the positive side, in terms of academics, music, personal growth and relationships (major areas I care very much about), I believe I've progressed substantially in "letting things go" since high school. I'm far better in dealing with failure than I used to be and I don't gain my worth as much anymore from my achievements. In other words, I say I am a "recovering perfectionist." My point is just that clips like this are reminders of how much I still identify with a über-high-standard, or idealist, approach to life. Therefore, my lessons (and perhaps yours, reader) are these:

• Be careful not to condescend to others when operating from of your own high standards
• Don't give up because something good isn't "good enough" because your involvement may still be valuable
• And, learn to enjoy those supposedly less-than-ideal situations (or friends/significant others?) because they might turn out to be better than you think.

On the flip side, if you've been on the receiving end of my harsh tendencies, I apologize and you can see that I keep striving to grow as a balanced person (with God's help, of course).
Either way, food for thought.

--Ellen P.


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