Life in the Margins

The following is a list of notes made in the margins of my notebooks for the fall semester, of my thoughts & ideas and quotes from professors, other students and my textbooks. Enjoy!

From my Linguistics notebook:

• Silent letters… w in wren, h in ghost, a in aardvark, t in castle = make a silent “what?”
• I dislike enforcing stereotypes. Want to give individuals the chance to choose and to prove his/herself.
• pg 117 “Remember: if it walks like a word, and quacks like a word...”
• pg 124 English “takes a cup of lexical sugar” from all sorts of languages.
• Esta vez, el tiempo es mi amigo. (This time, time is my friend.)
• Idea: make a literal video of Facebook 
• “Chuffed to bits” in the UK means “pleased” in the US :-)
• Can native speakers makes mistakes, according to linguists? Or is everything they say right?

From my notebook for Introduction to Public Relations:

• Make a list of friends who have cars.
• Reminded of the movie Post-Grad
• I like the idea of internal communication specialist (an advisor for comm. within a business).
• Puzzle piece for my life: Interviewing people for stories
• Idea: “I Am a Business” metaphor. I have a mission statement, I do my own PR, etc…
• Does behavior always reflect values?
• I don’t like that PR often has to prove its worth.
• Memo to self: Read the newspaper!
• I like the Evaluation stage in PR: Identify then implement change to improve real problems, especially those of unawareness, unfairness or inability.
• Someone really just said “formulatic”?
• What’s the difference between ethics and morals?
• What’s ombudsman? iterative? cogently?
• I like the bridge function of PR professionals. As for pitching ideas, however…
• I don’t want to “sell” the company as an employee, outside of my work. It would feel like work were my life then.

From Intercultural Communication: 

• In a story the professor told, apparently a 15 year old girl said, “I like this dress so much I could throw up.” Haha!
• Change your daily route once in awhile: you may run across different people :-)
• Multicultural people have an ethnorelative identity, not just one place of belonging: Is that the key to my WI/CO/IA feelings, and even US/Spain?
• Seth, a guy in class, asking the professor about listening to his wife about minor issues. “When you listen, do you actually care?” Professor, mildly chastising: “Seth! You have to care!”
• Professor, later that same day: “If you don’t care, you’re outta there.”
• A student describes another Communication studies class and the professor: “The class is very… vanilla. And she is like a … mochaccino with chocolate chips and sprinkles.”
• When the professor was late one day, one student thought it was because he had been “fighting crime”.
• Good intercultural communication involves tolerating ambiguity (uncertain situations). Can I handle ambiguity?
• As a responsible citizen, I should note news: local, national and international. Also so I can pray over it. As a college student, now without a TV, I don’t though.
• The Western worldview or Eastern? Personally, where do I fit in more?
• Really random idea: rewrite “Teenage Dream” (by Kate Perry) for a positive message. (Inspired by the Glee version of the song.)
• Essay idea: Eastern and Western worldviews as portrayed in Disney films: like Pocahontas, Mulan, Lion King, and more.

And finally, in a more serious tone, from my notebook used for Bible study, sermon notes, etc.:

• Am I allowing time for lessons to stick proportionally with how much I hear and learn (spiritually and in life)?
• Idea: make a video of discipler and Jedi analogy   
• So I may have never felt a call personally to be a full-time missionary, but the young American couple in China showed me that they just see a couple of years there as one step in life to doing what they’ll do wherever.
• At Christian conferences, I’m always reminded how there are conferences like this going on at the same time, but on New Age mediation, etc… Creepy.
• Original sin stems from the belief that God is keeping something good from us...
• Will I stop caring about classes so much if it’s easy and my GPA is set?
• Sam’s life [a student who died this semester] is an example of how tomorrow is not guaranteed. So for the students who say “Later, after college, I’ll follow God,” I say, No way! You don't even know if you'll live to see tomorrow!

I promise I've been studying the actual notes in my notebooks, seeing how it's finals week. This just provided a fun study break :-)
Frankly yours,
Ellen P. 

A commentary on perfectionists.

First, watch this clip, from the movie "Kissing Jessica Stein" (2001). Then when you're up to speed, read my comment below.

http://movieclips.com/eSCY-kissing-jessica-stein-movie-the-best-ever/

Ignoring the comment about Jessi's "nice girl" at the very end, I am Jessi. Or, I was Jessi. No, to be honest, I think I still am, in ways. That is to say, I am (or have been) the girl who desires excellence so fiercely that she'll sacrifice her own participation if her peers aren't up to par. She'll make up her own mind about the quality of the "show" and no director could tell her otherwise. But the mother's point, the "moral of the story" so to speak, is that Jessi missed out on something really good. Jessi's commitment to a top-notch show blinded her from seeing that her criticism of her co-star was too harsh. And in the ultimate irony for her high standards, a worse star was cast in her place, and the production suffered in the end because of it. Life can be rough for the perfectionist, as the mother knew and predicted.

Okay, so I've never actually given up a role in theater or music because I thought my group wasn't good enough, but I think it still applies. I haven't seen the whole movie and from the looks of the plot summary, I don't want to, but I saw this movie clip and it really made me stop and think.

The implied metaphor is that Jessi's high standards have caused her to disdain potentially good matches for herself because those "co-stars" weren't good enough. But if she gave them a chance, they might actually be good partners for her, and "just maybe, the best ever."

On the positive side, in terms of academics, music, personal growth and relationships (major areas I care very much about), I believe I've progressed substantially in "letting things go" since high school. I'm far better in dealing with failure than I used to be and I don't gain my worth as much anymore from my achievements. In other words, I say I am a "recovering perfectionist." My point is just that clips like this are reminders of how much I still identify with a über-high-standard, or idealist, approach to life. Therefore, my lessons (and perhaps yours, reader) are these:

• Be careful not to condescend to others when operating from of your own high standards
• Don't give up because something good isn't "good enough" because your involvement may still be valuable
• And, learn to enjoy those supposedly less-than-ideal situations (or friends/significant others?) because they might turn out to be better than you think.

On the flip side, if you've been on the receiving end of my harsh tendencies, I apologize and you can see that I keep striving to grow as a balanced person (with God's help, of course).
Either way, food for thought.

--Ellen P.


Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com

Time to Stretch.

I thought to myself, I'm ready to be stretched again.

That's what occurred to me, as I sat in my quiet apartment yesterday afternoon, boiling pasta for lunch because I never have time or energy to cook at night, the warm afternoon sunshine pouring into our south-facing window in the living room, making the room quite cheery, and definitely improving my mood while I read a rather long chapter from my Intercultural Communication textbook. It was then that this thought occurred to me, in that warm and comfortable moment, and I glanced outside to consider how cold that early December air really was outside, contrasting with the pleasant sunlight splashing over my pages. I thought, I'm ready to experience another new culture, to be suddenly and even violently thrown into a foreign environment again. Somewhere where I've never been and where I'm forced to Listen, and really Pay Attention, and Think Hard, and Act Carefully, and finally, to relish those moments that I love so much, when I Get Out Of My Element, and Enjoy the Moment completely. I ready for that again.

You know, the travel bug really isn't very convenient. (I was rather cozy, as you'll recall, in that afternoon study time.) Because that's what (mostly) caused that thought in the first place.

I've been spoiled in the last year: lived in Spain for a semester, visited China, helped briefly in Mexico. What will the next year bring? Most likely, a whole lot less international travel. And that's a bummer for me, as you might guess by now, because I found I really enjoy new situations that require me to stretch myself.

Allow me to use a metaphor, albeit not the most original one. Being stretched beyond one's comfort zone is a bit like exercise. May it be understood, reader, that I don't like to exercise just for the sake of doing it. It's painful and tiring and often discouraging. But I've decided that my muscles themselves, however, actually do like it. They do like that pain, a day later, when I'm aching from running because I haven't run in three weeks. Why? Because that pain means that I have lactic acid built up from all that exertion, which meant I actually worked my muscles, instead of just wishing I had. That pain reminds me that my muscle fibers got broken and are rebuilding stronger connections, a powerful testimony to the body's ability to adapt. I even like to think that my muscles like exercise because that pain reminds me that they (some I didn't even know I had) still exist! And finally, it's good because exercise gets me back in touch with my physical self as well, reminding me that--although my full-time status is a student who relies on her brain for her classwork--I am muscle, joint and bone, too.

New experiences abroad are like that: No, I don't really like taking the wrong bus and taking two extra hours to accomplish an errand because I didn't understand the bus system. No, I don't really like breathing super-contaminated air... or getting squashed into a subway train... or eating rice for 5 days in a row when it's never my first choice otherwise. But there's a part in me that does enjoy all of those things, that really thrives on those hard, confusing and strange experiences. Because those things make for good memories and stories, and they are all a part of the experience. Because they stretch me and they remind me that I am vibrantly and actively alive.

But alas, no international travel on the horizon for awhile (as far as I know). Instead, it's [insert ominous orchestral music here] graduation that I'm facing at the end of next semester, which constitutes as the Biggest Unknown that I have ever encountered in my life to date. Considering my previously-mentioned affinity for change and new things, I should be excited, right? I should be stoked that it's time again for something new and different, right?

Wrong. I'm not. Those of you who know me on a day-to-day basis may know that I'm not at all looking forward to being "stretched" as I step out into that thick gray fog of Uncertainty. And you know why I don't? Because I don't see it like a travel experience. Looking for a job or the next resume-building experience couldn't possibly be as exciting as exploring a foreign culture, I tell myself. Rather, I just see it as a worrisome, overwhelming burden that will never really become clear. But maybe I should. Maybe, just maybe, I'd look forward to post-graduation more if I chose to view it as another "foreign adventure."

Huh. I honestly have to stop and think about that for a moment. What if?

I guess the biggest reason why I haven't so far is that this next adventure doesn't end. It doesn't have a definite Return Date stamped on the ticket, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write a neat What I Learned statement with souvenirs for everyone at the end... or, if I don't like the experience, I can't just go back "home" and forget it ever happened: wherever I go next, whatever I do next, is home. Basically, the way I see it, unless I do master's work at the same university immediately afterward, college graduation is a One Way Ticket to The Next Adventure. And that freaks me out.

Now, I'm probably dramatizing this a bit. Perhaps. I'm just writing frankly here, but maybe somebody reading this agrees with me. What I'm getting at is this: I have been preparing my whole life for adventures that end: classes end each year or semester. Traditional (legal) dependence on parents ends at eighteen. High school ends after senior year. College also ends after completing a certain number of credits and requirements, which is, normally, in about four years. But now I am faced with the indefinite: I could take a job and work at it for as long (or as short) as I liked. I could move and stay there the rest of my life, if I wanted to. No longer is someone else providing a predetermined time constraint on the next stage of my life. Think about that!

Sure, there will inevitably still be "stages" or "eras" of my life after graduation, in terms of where I live, or what job I take, or singleness to (perhaps) married life. But the expectations for when (or how) those will happen are completely gone, or at least completely arbitrary. Hm... Maybe that's what bothers me so much: the expectations for the timeline of my life will disappear after graduation, and the loss of that structure is disconcerting or scary or something.

But I refuse to leave this winding, fearful thought process at that. This is where the lesson from international travel and exercise serve me well: I may fear a future I don't have expectations for, but something inside of me does want to look forward to it, to see it like another exciting adventure or beneficial training.

Furthermore, this is exactly, where my faith in an omniscient, caring and active God comes into play and rescues me from this tendency toward overly-melancholy and fearful pondering. Because what a relief it is to know:

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16)

And, even more so,

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Amen. (That means I'm fervently agreeing with the previous statement, by the way, not necessarily ending a prayer.) So today I'm deciding those assurances are enough for me and my foggy future. They allow me to leave tomorrow and post-graduation in God's capable hands, freeing me up to to embrace this next big change because it means more great stories, new lessons, painful but beautiful growth, and maybe, just maybe, the Best Stretch Yet.

Honestly thoughtful, I remain honestly yours,
Ellen P.

P.S. Pertaining to the topic, if you haven't seen the movie Post Grad (2009), you really should. It expands these thoughts with wit and good humor... although personally the ending might be too neat to realistically accept.